Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother and adult adoptee, Christine Wernquist, who shares their journey in this second installment of a three-part series. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this beautiful piece with you.

This is the second blog post of a three-part series. My prayer in sharing our story throughout this series is that families who are in the waiting will feel encouraged and to see how God perfectly knit our story together. Disclaimer: Our daughter’s birth mother has given permission to share details of our story. Some details will remain private for the sake of the intimacy of our journey. 

In the intricate tapestry of adoption, the threads of connection weave a story unique to each family. For us, the journey began when we were chosen by Brittiany, an extraordinary woman whose decision would forever shape the course of our lives. In this blog post, I invite you to join me as I share our experience of building a relationship with the incredible woman who entrusted us with the privilege of becoming parents.

From the moment our paths crossed, a spark ignited – a shared understanding of the profound emotions surrounding adoption. We were both excited, hopeful, scared, and everything in between.  Brittiany and I agreed from the start that no matter what the following months would bring we would promise to always be open and honest with each other. Open communication laid the foundation for trust and mutual respect. As we spent time together, a bond blossomed, connecting our lives in a way we could never have imagined.

My goal going into this experience was to have minimal expectations, only because I truly did not know what to expect. Like many hopeful adoptive parents, I had many fears: fearful of coming across as ingenuine, fearful of her not liking us, fearful of awkward interactions, and the selfish fear of walking away without a child. Ultimately, I was able to set my fears to the side and truly go in with an open heart. No matter the outcome, we believed we were in each other’s lives for a reason. Going in with an open heart was the best decision my husband and I could have made. We learned the delicate balance of being present without overwhelming, listening without judgment, and offering support without strings attached. 

As the months went by, we celebrated milestones together – from ultrasound appointments to moving apartments and assembling cribs, and ultimately being invited to experience the birth of our daughter. Engaging in these shared experiences fostered a sense of unity and reassurance for both us and Britiany. Adoption, like any significant life change, presented its share of challenges, of course. By facing challenges together, our bond deepened, proving that unity in the face of adversity strengthens the foundation of any relationship

For Brittiany and I, one of the cornerstones of our relationship is the commitment to honesty and transparency. Sharing our thoughts, fears, and joys openly allowed us to cultivate a relationship built on authenticity. I would encourage all waiting families to foster the same commitment when chosen by an expectant mother. 

When I reflect on this time in our adoption journey, I can’t help but think of Ecclesiastes 3:11, which says “He has made everything beautiful in its time”. The friendship and bond that Brittiany and I formed is nothing short of beautiful. To the waiting families, I encourage you to lean into this. God is making your story beautiful in His time. 

Ultimately, Brittiany’s decision to choose us was a profound act of trust. As we welcomed the gift of parenthood, we vowed to honor that trust by creating a loving and supportive environment for our daughter. This shared commitment became the cornerstone of our evolving relationship, marking the beginning of a beautiful family story.

*Post contributed by adoptive mother and adult adoptee, Christine Wernquist

Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother and adult adoptee, Christine Wernquist, who shares their journey in the first of a three-part series. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this beautiful piece with you.

This is the first blog post of a three-part series. My prayer in sharing our story throughout this series is that families who are in the waiting will feel encouraged and to see how God perfectly knit our story together. Disclaimer: Our daughter’s birth mother has given permission to share details of our story. Some details will remain private for the sake of the intimacy of our journey. 

Hello! My name is Christine. Adoption has always been part of my story, as I am an adoptee myself. My husband, John, and I always knew that we wanted to grow our family through adoption someday. Like so many couples, John and I faced infertility issues when trying to start our family. After a year and a half of trying and visiting fertility specialists, we were told we would never conceive naturally. We were also told that IVF and IUI would not be options either due to aggravating factors. We had a long weekend getaway trip to Gatlinburg planned, and we got the phone call from the fertility doctor the day before we were scheduled to leave. It was amazing how God had already lined up a space for us to getaway to and grieve. 

Upon our return from Gatlinburg, we decided that it was time to pursue adoption. After countless hours of research, we landed on Quiver Full Adoptions. We immediately knew that this was the agency we were meant to partner with. We hit the ground running getting all of our required documentation in order, including our home study. Three of our friends who had gone through the adoption process all used the same social worker, whom they connected us with. I never imagined the bond we would form with her and how much she would support us through the entire process and years beyond. Flash forward a couple of months and we are placed on the waitlist with QFA. The very next day, which just happened to be our anniversary, Elizabeth called us to tell us we were placed on the active list! Twenty-six days later we got a call that an expectant mother had chosen us. I will save the details on how we got connected for the next post, but the short version is that a mutual friend of a friend saw our Hoping to Adopt Facebook page and shared our information with her. 

We were cautioned of the risks of being chosen so early, considering she was only nine weeks pregnant. After an hour long phone conversation with her, we felt an overwhelming sense of peace and knew we wanted to proceed, no matter the outcome. The following months would end up being a journey we never expected. 

We were so fortunate to be in the same town as our expectant mother so we were able to get together more often than not. Whether it was getting dinner together or helping her move, every visit helped build the foundation for a beautiful friendship. She was so gracious to invite me to her OBGYN appointments. I will never forget seeing that tiny little bean on the ultrasound for the first time. I cannot describe the gratitude I felt to get to be present for her appointments throughout her pregnancy, getting to watch this precious girl grow and develop in real time, especially since I never thought I would have the opportunity to experience pregnancy. I will never forget getting a phone call from our expectant mom at work telling me, “Christine, my water broke!”. I rushed out of the building and went straight to the hospital to meet her. She had invited John and I to be present for the delivery. After about twelve hours of labor and three pushes, the most beautiful baby girl entered the world. That moment is forever seared into my heart. 

When I share our story, I often tell people that our adoption story is a bit of a unicorn story. The things we experienced are not common. It is not common to be chosen so early on. It is not common to attend so many medical appointments. It is not common to be asked to be in the room for delivery. I honestly believe it is quite rare to develop the type of friendship that we developed with our daughter’s birth mother. Everyone’s adoption journey looks different. There is not one story that is like another, which is a beautiful thing. My own adoption story is nothing like my daughter’s story. 

No matter the story, it will be beautifully imperfect. The one perfect, constant force in our story is our Heavenly Father. Isaiah 60:22 says “When the time is right I, the Lord, will make it happen”. I encourage you to lean on this verse and trust in His timing.

*Post contributed by adoptive mother and adult adoptee, Christine Wernquist

Embarking on the path of adoption can be both exhilarating and daunting. Among the various adoption options, open adoption has gained popularity in recent years, offering a unique opportunity for birth parents, adoptive parents, and children to maintain connections and nurture ongoing relationships. Since 2017, when our agency added a new application requirement for all prospective adoptive families to be willing to pursue an open adoption prior to their approval, we often are initially met with fears surrounding the topic and this requirement. It is natural for anyone considering open adoption to experience fears and concerns initially, due to the lack of conversation and education surrounding the topic, outside of the adoption community.

As an adoptive mother, and one of the founders of this agency, I know it’s hard to admit at times all of the fears that circulate in a prospective adoptive couple’s minds and often times the biggest fear of all is what others may think if you admit you and your spouse have fears or some hesitancy surrounding open adoption, because surely no one else is experiencing the same feelings. So I wanted to pull back the “curtain” and discuss some of the common fears we hear from families who are beginning their adoption journey. The hope is by exploring some of the common fears surrounding open adoption we are able to shed light on how open adoption can be a beautiful and fulfilling journey filled with love and understanding.

Fear of Uncertainty

One of the primary fears that individuals may encounter when considering open adoption is the fear of uncertainty. They may worry about not knowing what the future holds, how the relationship with the birth parents will evolve, or how the child will navigate having two sets of parents. It is essential to acknowledge that these concerns are valid and natural. However, open adoption allows for ongoing communication and transparency, which can foster a sense of stability and reassurance for all parties involved.

Fear of Boundaries and Intrusion

Another common fear revolves around boundaries and intrusion. Adoptive parents may fear that birth parents will overstep their boundaries or interfere with their parenting decisions. Similarly, birth parents may fear that they will be excluded or forgotten in the child’s life. Open adoption requires a delicate balance and clear communication to establish healthy boundaries. It is crucial for both parties to openly discuss expectations, concerns, and responsibilities to ensure that everyone feels respected and heard.

Fear of Attachment and Loss

One of the most significant fears in open adoption is the fear of attachment and loss. Adoptive parents may hesitate to form strong emotional bonds with the child for fear that the birth parents might reclaim custody or disrupt the stability of the adoption. At the same time, birth parents may worry about the emotional toll of witnessing their child grow up with another family. It is vital to acknowledge that open adoption can bring about complex emotions. However, through open and honest communication, trust can be fostered among all parties involved, leading to a deeper understanding of each other’s roles and creating a supportive environment for the child’s well-being.

Fear of Judgment and Criticism

In a society where traditional closed adoptions have been the norm for decades, individuals considering open adoption may fear judgment and criticism from their families, friends, or even strangers. It is essential to remember that open adoption is a personal choice made out of love and the desire to provide the best future for the child. Surrounding yourself with a supportive network of people who understand and respect your decision can help alleviate these fears and provide a strong foundation for the open adoption journey.

Open adoption, despite the initial fears and concerns, has the potential to create such a beautiful and fulfilling journey for all involved. By embracing open communication, setting healthy boundaries, fostering understanding, being willing to step into a lifelong relationship with another human being, assuming the best instead of the worst, the fears surrounding open adoption can and will be overcome—and surprisingly you’ll find they are replaced by such compassion, love, and understanding. This journey of discovering what open adoption really means for your family will stretch you, as it will all parties involved, as it allows birth parents, adoptive parents, and children to grow together and create unique, lasting connections that enrich all their lives. With empathy, compassion, and a willingness to learn and adapt, open adoption can be a transformative and rewarding experience for everyone involved.

Still have questions or concerns, we would love to help! Reach out to us today!

Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother, Emily Monson, who shares what they learned during their adoption journey. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this helpful piece with you.

We began our adoption journey a little more than six months ago, when our biological son Moses was three and a half years old. A couple months into the process, our social worker came over for our final in-person home study visit (the very last step to complete our home study with the state). The doorbell rang and I welcomed Sandy in. Moses came running down the stairs from his room with arms open to give her a big hug and blurted out, “I’m so excited to meet my new brother or sister, Miss Sandy!” Spencer and I about died laughing.

My husband and I spent nearly two years trying to conceive before deciding to pursue adoption. Throughout this time, Moses would frequently ask about being a brother. It broke our hearts that we couldn’t make him one. We went through countless infertility treatments over the course of eight months or so, and after our final failed treatment, we decided to discontinue the medical interventions and open our mind to what God had put on our hearts long ago—adoption.

When we realized that we would not actually be able to physically bring a sibling into the world for Moses, we began to think about the ways that we could explain adoption to him. Because he is so young and his heart is still fragile, this was very important to us. The way that we described adoption to Moses at this moment would forever shape the way that he viewed his brother or sister in the future. Would he think of them differently because things didn’t happen the conventional way that he’s seen in other families? Would he think this baby is less special because it was adopted? We never wanted any of these things to happen, so we knew it was super important that we shape this in light of God’s love.

It became time to fill Moses in on what was happening in our hearts and in our family, and honestly we simplified adoption to its fundamental root. We are adopting because we feel like it’s what God has called us to in this season of life. Although this may be a trying experience at times, we are confident that He will fulfill the promise He has already spoken over us. So, we simply told Moses that God was bringing him a brother or sister and that he was finally going to be a big brother. This may seem simple and overrated, but it’s what is going to happen! When he’s so young, simple is best. After all, it didn’t take long for him to begin telling anyone who would listen! His excitement has truly filled our family with even more joy than we could ever imagine.

We are currently waiting to be matched with an expectant mom. The wait is so hard on all of us, but we know that God is writing a better story than we ever could. He continues to stretch our faith and deepen our expectations of what is yet to come. Moses is going to be an amazing big brother someday, and I can’t wait to hear him tell the story of how God answered his prayers and finally made him a brother.

What are some ways that you’ve explained adoption to your children, especially younger ones? Are there any helpful resources that you’ve looked to, books you’ve read them, or Scripture you’ve looked to for guidance? Let us know in the comment section of this post!

* Post contributed by adoptive mother, Emily Monson

Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother, Becka Hall, who shares what they learned during their adoption journey. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this helpful piece with you.

Can we talk about open adoption for a few minutes? More often than not, when I mention to someone that we have an open adoption with our son, Oliver’s, birth mom, I am met with a look of complete fear staring back at me. Whether I am talking to a hopeful adoptive couple, one of my family members, friends, or just a random stranger, as I begin to explain our relationship with our birth mom people look at me like there is an actual UFO hovering above my head. I am not that crazy, people! Most of the time it boils down to the fact that these people don’t really understand how open adoption works and what it looks like on a day-to-day basis. If this is you sweet friend, it is completely ok. I would love to help you replace your fears with the reality of what open adoption looks like—if you will meet me here with an open mind.

Let’s start by realizing the difference between an open and closed adoption—also keep in mind that every relationship will look a little different for each situation. There is no set way to have an open or closed adoption. No one family or situation is the same, and of course sometimes open adoption is not what is best for everyone due to safety concerns and other factors. A closed adoption most often means there is no contact after the baby is placed—whether that be calls, texts, emails, letters, visits, etc. It can also mean no contact between the expectant mom and potential adoptive couple before the birth of the child. All communication goes through an agency, attorney, or social worker and no identifying information is swapped between the birth mother and the adoptive couple. Having a closed adoption does not mean that the child doesn’t know he/she is adopted, or that the adoptive parents do not talk about the birth parents to the child and tell them their story. Closed adoptions are becoming more and more uncommon because adoption professionals are seeing so many positive outcomes from semi-open and open adoptions, and because technology is opening up possibilities for what an open adoption can look like.

An open adoption brings the expectant family and adoptive couple together, realizing that both roles are important to the child. After placement, with an open adoption, birth families and adoptive families keep in contact with one another. This can range anywhere from a phone call to visits and be considered an open adoption. Semi-open adoptions are most often updates through pictures, letters, or emails. It is important to understand that having an open adoption doesn’t necessarily mean the birth family has your home address and can just pop in whenever they like. It’s all about the amount of openness you agree to, and setting clear, healthy boundaries that everyone is comfortable with. I know that open adoption can seem very overwhelming and scary at first, but when approached with an open mind many adoptive couples find that it can be a truly amazing approach to adoption.

Open adoption can benefit all members of the triad—birth parents, adoptive couples, and the child involved. For the adoptive couple, it provides you the opportunity to get to know the expectant parent(s). During our match, I absolutely loved getting to know Oliver’s birth mom and writing down important things about her that I look forward to sharing with him through the years. Getting to know the expectant parent(s) can help relieve a lot of the potential fears adoptive couples face during the process and diminish the “unknown”. Having a relationship with the birth parents can also prove to be beneficial for the adoptive couple as the child grows and things come up, such as health concerns. For the birth parents, knowing the adoptive couple and seeing the type of home and lifestyle their child will grow up in can give them peace of mind about their decision to place their child. Most importantly, open adoption provides the adopted child with the understanding of “why”—why they were placed for adoption and all the questions that come along with that. Knowing the birth parents and having the ability to connect with them—if they choose—eliminates potential identity issues and concerns the child may face. Open adoption dismisses the mystery in the child’s mind of having to wonder who they look like, or what their birth family is like, or how many biological siblings they have. Open adoption is in no way co-parenting, which is one of the biggest myths about open adoption. The adoptive parents will always be considered irreplaceable as “mom and dad” to the adopted child. According to researcher Harold Grotevant, “openness appears to help children understand adoption; relieve fears of adoptive parents; and help birth mothers resolve their grief.” Having that sense of understanding who they are and where they came from is so beneficial. Most importantly though, the child will know that they were placed for adoption not because they were unwanted or rejected, but out of love. So now that we’ve talked a bit about what open vs. closed adoption is, I’d like to share a little bit of my personal experience.

Oliver’s birth mom, whom I will call “L”, is one of the most selfless and courageous women I have ever met. She chose life for Oliver when everyone around her was screaming abortion to be the only solution. Her story is one packed full of heartbreak that is not mine to tell, but just know she is one very feisty and strong mama! Since the beginning of our relationship, when L and I first met, we have worked very hard to build a relationship built on trust and respect. Open adoption involves a lot of boundary setting and it takes a lot of work from both sides. We both know our roles and boundaries. And what a beautiful thing open adoption becomes when you find that rhythm. We are forever bonded, because after all, we share a son together! When I capture a cute picture of Oliver or when I caught his first steps on video, the first thing that came to mind was “I can’t wait for L to see this!” She is always so happy to see Oliver succeed and always backs up my role as “mama”. I cried my eyes out when I got a text from her last year on Mother’s Day that read, “Happy first Mother’s Day! I love you and I am so happy I chose you to be Oliver’s mom!” She blows my mind with how supportive she is of me and how she acknowledges me.

Developing a relationship in an open adoption also takes a lot of honest communication.  Was I scared to death of open adoption in the beginning? Heck yes! I was a nervous wreck! But over time L and I worked very hard to achieve the level of openness we have today. In order to get to that place, you have to be willing to put yourself out there a little. You have to be willing to sit in the uncomfortable, but isn’t that true in so many other aspects of life? God doesn’t call us to be comfortable, especially in our relationships with people—He calls us to trust him completely. If God has led you to pursue an open adoption, he will navigate you through it.

Of course working on our relationship didn’t come without bumps in the road, but having that healthy relationship with his birth mother will be so beneficial to Oliver as he grows up. The fact that he will be raised knowing that two mamas love him so fiercely, makes it even that much more important and special. Oliver will grow up knowing what an amazing sacrifice his birth mom made for him, and having not one, but two mothers in this world who love him so much and want the very best for him! I know open adoption is a hard concept for many people to wrap their minds around, mostly out of fear that their child cannot possibly love two moms, but they absolutely can! This relationship is no competition. Each of us have our own role—roles that come with their own challenges and benefits. If a mother can love more than one child, then why wouldn’t Oliver be able love more than one mother?

Knowing that we are paving the road for Oliver to realize his self-worth and better understand his identity, makes me so thankful that we chose an open adoption plan. I hope that by sharing my perspective, I have replaced some of your fears of open adoption with truth that will allow you to better understand your options as you consider what’s best for your family and adoption situation. The reality is, your child will have questions someday about their adoption—and having that openness established with your child’s birth mother will be so helpful in facilitating those conversations when that day comes. Open adoption is complex, it is scary at times, and it involves setting your personal fears aside for the best interest of your child. When you say yes to open adoption, you also say yes to the unexpected and the unknown, but it will be the most rewarding thing you’ll ever experience! Agreeing to an open adoption with our birth mother has been worth every awkward and every heartbreaking conversation we’ve had thus far. Just like you’ve done in every aspect of your adoption journey, take a leap of faith sweet friend, you’ll be so happy you did!

*Post contributed by adoptive mother, Becka Hall.