_{Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother, Destinie Little.}

Going through infertility can be a lonely place. Yes people can comfort you, but they will never truly understand exactly what you are feeling unless they have experienced it themselves.

While trying to conceive I received much “advice” from many people. Advice such as “oh it’ll happen when it’s supposed to”, “if you just relax it’ll happen”, “take a trip and it’ll happen, that’s what worked for us”, “it’ll happen when you stop trying”. All of these people meant well but the truth is that infertility is a medical disorder that cannot be cured by simply going on a vacation. I believe it’s easier for people to try to encourage in this way or simply distance themselves from those struggling because infertility is such an uncomfortable topic.

What I wish that all of my friends and family knew about infertility is that yes it is a medical disorder. Yes it affects you mentally and emotionally because getting pregnant is one of the only things that is almost completely out of our control on this earth. As women God created us to mother so that desire runs deep. But distancing yourself or giving advice is not what is needed. Don’t change who you are or how you act. Yes please tell me that you are pregnant, please invite me to your baby shower because I want to celebrate with you! I can be happy for you and sad for myself at the same time and that is completely OK! It hurts worse to be the last one to know that you’re having a baby or that you are having a baby shower. Continue to invite me in, this gives room for me to feel like I have someone that I can lean into on those hard days. Don’t be afraid to ask me where I’m at in my journey or how I am handling everything. Most likely, I would love the opportunity to be able to talk about it! You asking lets me know that I am loved and I am valued. Please pray for me and with me. Our journeys to growing our family may look different but we can still walk them together. Infertility is not a one size fits all but each journey is beautiful in its own way.

The best way to be there for a friend or family member who is struggling with infertility is to continue to treat them normal. Don’t tip toe around them or avoid their diagnoses. Pray to the Lord on their behalf. Don’t be afraid to talk about it with them. Encourage them in their journey whether they are in the thick of it or exploring other avenues such as adoption! Remember that adoption is just as special and important as them conceiving a child. The Lord has a different path for everyone, how special! Grieve with them while they are grieving, rejoice with them when they are rejoicing. Celebrate their small wins and their big wins. In infertility a win is a win!‬‬

“There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven: a time to give birth and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot; a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to tear down and a time to build; a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace and a time to avoid embracing; a time to search and a time to count as lost; a time to keep and a time to throw away; a time to tear and a time to sew; a time to be silent and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace. ”
Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3‬:‭1‬-‭8‬ ‭CSB

Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother and adult adoptee, Christine Wernquist, who shares their journey in this second installment of a three-part series. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this beautiful piece with you.

This is the second blog post of a three-part series. My prayer in sharing our story throughout this series is that families who are in the waiting will feel encouraged and to see how God perfectly knit our story together. Disclaimer: Our daughter’s birth mother has given permission to share details of our story. Some details will remain private for the sake of the intimacy of our journey. 

In the intricate tapestry of adoption, the threads of connection weave a story unique to each family. For us, the journey began when we were chosen by Brittiany, an extraordinary woman whose decision would forever shape the course of our lives. In this blog post, I invite you to join me as I share our experience of building a relationship with the incredible woman who entrusted us with the privilege of becoming parents.

From the moment our paths crossed, a spark ignited – a shared understanding of the profound emotions surrounding adoption. We were both excited, hopeful, scared, and everything in between.  Brittiany and I agreed from the start that no matter what the following months would bring we would promise to always be open and honest with each other. Open communication laid the foundation for trust and mutual respect. As we spent time together, a bond blossomed, connecting our lives in a way we could never have imagined.

My goal going into this experience was to have minimal expectations, only because I truly did not know what to expect. Like many hopeful adoptive parents, I had many fears: fearful of coming across as ingenuine, fearful of her not liking us, fearful of awkward interactions, and the selfish fear of walking away without a child. Ultimately, I was able to set my fears to the side and truly go in with an open heart. No matter the outcome, we believed we were in each other’s lives for a reason. Going in with an open heart was the best decision my husband and I could have made. We learned the delicate balance of being present without overwhelming, listening without judgment, and offering support without strings attached. 

As the months went by, we celebrated milestones together – from ultrasound appointments to moving apartments and assembling cribs, and ultimately being invited to experience the birth of our daughter. Engaging in these shared experiences fostered a sense of unity and reassurance for both us and Britiany. Adoption, like any significant life change, presented its share of challenges, of course. By facing challenges together, our bond deepened, proving that unity in the face of adversity strengthens the foundation of any relationship

For Brittiany and I, one of the cornerstones of our relationship is the commitment to honesty and transparency. Sharing our thoughts, fears, and joys openly allowed us to cultivate a relationship built on authenticity. I would encourage all waiting families to foster the same commitment when chosen by an expectant mother. 

When I reflect on this time in our adoption journey, I can’t help but think of Ecclesiastes 3:11, which says “He has made everything beautiful in its time”. The friendship and bond that Brittiany and I formed is nothing short of beautiful. To the waiting families, I encourage you to lean into this. God is making your story beautiful in His time. 

Ultimately, Brittiany’s decision to choose us was a profound act of trust. As we welcomed the gift of parenthood, we vowed to honor that trust by creating a loving and supportive environment for our daughter. This shared commitment became the cornerstone of our evolving relationship, marking the beginning of a beautiful family story.

*Post contributed by adoptive mother and adult adoptee, Christine Wernquist

Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother, Cecily Conquest, who shares a vulnerable look into what they learned through their own experience pursuing adoption after infertility. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this truth-filled and encouraging piece with you.

I will never forget the moment I heard a doctor say to me, “you will never be able to have [biological] children.” I had just turned 16 and was diagnosed with a rare genetic condition that resulted in infertility. Everything around me blurred, the doctor’s voice muffled as I felt my world crumbling around me. My dreams, my plans and my future all shattered with one sentence. I felt betrayed by my own body. It was not able to do the “one” thing a woman’s body should be able to do. I honestly don’t remember a lot of what happened in the six months after my diagnosis. I was grieving the plans I had made for my life and the dreams of what could have been. I was feeling broken, defective and purposeless. 

For years I have prayed and pleaded with the Lord to heal my body. I’ve cried out to Him to open my womb like He did for Sarah and Elizabeth. I know He is more than capable to perform even the most unbelievable miracles. In Daniel 3 it talks about the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abendego and how King Nebuchadnezzar is threatening to cast them into the fiery furnace if they do not bow down and worship him. They say something so profound that I think can apply to infertility. 

They say, “We do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us. But even if He does not, we want you to know, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” 

What a beautiful picture of what we can do when it comes to our infertility. We can pray that God would heal our bodies and have the faith to say, ”But even if He does not…He is still good. He is still a kind and loving Father. He still loves me.” Friends, if you have found your way to the adoption journey because of infertility I want you to know that you are not alone. You are not broken. You are not defective. You are strong. You are brave. You have purpose. You are loved by God. We can still trust Him “even if He does not”. 

For many women I think it’s safe to say that we desire to be mothers above most things and when we are faced with infertility it can even heighten that desire. We see friend after friend share pregnancy announcements and while we can be genuinely happy for them, feelings of jealousy and heartbreak can co-exist. This is where we must be so careful in the journey to adoption. Before we even step into the process we need to check our hearts and make sure we have worked towards healing the grief of infertility.

The diagnosis of infertility can be absolutely life altering and without proper healing we can unintentionally cause harm in the adoption process. It is easy to feel like a baby can heal our wound of infertility, but that is the farthest thing from the truth. Only God and a great therapist can help us process through that level of grief. I don’t know that the wound of infertility is ever healed, but we can come to a place of acceptance. Only when we reach that space should we consider stepping into an adoption situation where we are equipped to help our adoptee navigate and process through the trauma of being adopted. 

The desire to be a mom is natural and normal, however we cannot confuse what we desire with what we deserve. My prayers and sincere desires to become a mom did not mean that I was entitled to someone else’s baby. I was not owed a baby because of my inability to have biological children. I love my son more than anything in this world and I cannot even fathom a life without him, but I do not believe that his mom got pregnant to fulfill the desires of my heart. I was able to become a mom because she chose us to raise her son, not because I was in some way more deserving of motherhood. To be chosen is an honor and a privilege not an expectation.  

I think it’s easy for us to feel like we are owed something because our infertility has taken so much away from us. If we are not careful, we can become so desperate to become a mom that we overlook that for us to become mothers, another mother’s arms must be emptied. For our family to be created, another family must be broken. In our desperation we run the risk of becoming blind and numb to the life altering decision that adoption is for both the adoptee and the birth family. In that blindness we can overlook or justify coercive behaviors toward the expectant mom for the sake of getting what we want. We need to remember that the ultimate goal is for families to stay together, but when that is not possible adoption comes in. When we say yes to adoption we are not just saying yes to a baby, we are saying yes to opening our hearts to their birth family and honoring them always, educating ourselves on parenting a child with trauma and continually seeking ways to support our adoptees as they process through what it means to be adopted. 

We are not defined by our infertility or whether someone calls us mom. Our worth comes from knowing what the Lord says about us. He says we are valuable, lovely and cherished and made to reflect His goodness. The desire to be a mother is not in and of itself a bad thing, however, we cannot let that desire turn into desperation that clouds our judgment and compassion towards the expectant mom and her plan for her child. In the wait, we must constantly check our hearts to see if there is any hint of entitlement. We can grieve our infertility AND accept the fact that our infertility does not automatically mean we deserve someone else’s baby. Once we accept that mentality, we can fully embrace all the complexities of adoption, honor both the adoptee and birth family and rely on God’s wisdom and guidance to do things with integrity throughout the whole adoption journey.   

*Post contributed by adoptive mother, Cecily Conquest.

Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by hopeful adoptive mother, Roxanne Rich, who shares an honest look into what they have learned and are still discovering during their adoption journey. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this raw and transparent piece with you.

Let’s be honest. The road to adoption is exhausting.  

My husband, Auston, and I are still in our “season of waiting” and can tell you firsthand that the ups and downs of this experience can drain you and your marriage. Early in this ever-winding road of trying to grow our family, my husband and I have experienced ill health, pregnancy losses, and large disagreements that could only be resolved after speaking with a professional counselor. We have been poked and prodded by doctors. We’ve been forced to face hard truths about our physical, emotional, and psychological limits. And that all occurred BEFORE we chose to sign on with an adoption agency for the “next path forward”.  

Once you’re officially on the road to adoption a whole new set of questions start circling in your head: When will we be chosen? When will the next situation come through?Does everyone else feel like this? Why weren’t we chosen? Should we rewrite our profile book? What can we do to make ourselves look more appealing, make an expectant mother like us, or help promote our agency so expectant mothers know about them. Why does everyone overlook us? What’s next?. . . 

Your head spins, you lose sight, and finally you scream into the abyss of your brain, “SILENCE! Wait your turn. You’re not the only family on this journey. Have patience and give yourself grace.”

You take a beat. You breathe a bit. And you begin to try to understand why you’re here. Beyond adoption. Beyond growing your family. Why are you HERE? Why are you in this moment? Why are you still waiting when other hopeful adoptive-parents have already been chosen? Why did your adoption become disrupted? Why. Are. You. Here?

Everyone has different “why’s”. While trying to find reasons for our own specific path that we have no idea where it leads, my husband and I have found answers near and far. And fun fact, none of them have to do with expanding our own family.  

EMBRACE THE NOW.  

While you’re here, remember to enjoy the life around you. By not being chosen and by sitting in a house with an empty bedroom, we are forced to embrace our current life. Instead of holding a cooing baby, my husband has time to coach our son’s baseball team. Instead of washing and drying newborn clothes, I have the time after work to volunteer at non-profits like my church and at local theaters. By being told “no” about a future with an expectant mother, we have had the opportunity to look around us and hone in on what makes today and today alone so precious. Once we’re done waiting, we’re not getting these weeks, months, or years back. So let’s live and love in the now and make this time great.  

BUILD A COMMUNITY.  

You may be here so that you have time to reach out to others who are on a similar journey and build a community of those who understand what you’re going through. Creating a support group of friends, family, and strangers who become mentors and friends is so important in the adoption process. You can take notes from those who have already adopted, lean on and pray for those who are in your same phase of waiting, and you can help others to decide if adoption is the right path for them. We’ve all heard that “raising a child takes a village”. Use this time to build yours.  

BE A LIGHT.  

Many of us have fallen into the trap of organizing and reorganizing a nursery. Or staring at our social media posts and profile books wondering what we can tweak to make them better. Hours are spent rewriting, refolding, and preparing for something that is not here yet. What if we took all of that anxiety and pent-up excitement of one day adopting and put it into taking care of others and ensuring they have a great day?

With my brother-in-law deployed, we have used this time of waiting to really lean into helping my sister juggle her two young boys. From random playdates to tagging in at bedtime, we have used our “spare time” to shower the boys with love and help uphold a steady environment where they can thrive. As an added bonus, earlier this summer we chose to put down the grant application we had been stressing over and created a secret text with friends and family to ensure my sister had a great birthday while her husband was deployed. By the time her birthday rolled around the group had created an all-day scavenger hunt full of birthday surprises that ended with all of us at dinner together. Auston & I were able to turn off our brains from the adoption wait for a whole week while ensuring that on my sister’s birthday she felt supported and surrounded by love.  

By being a light during someone else’s challenging time, you help elevate your own happiness and ease the passing of time … even if just for a week.  

BE SOME OTHER FAMILY’S SUPPORT.  

As mentioned before, the adoption process can be a rollercoaster. When a fellow hopeful-adoptive-parent is feeling down with a “woe is me ” or “why not us?” outlook, try to be the sounding board when someone is spiraling. Sit with them, talk with them, and begin to lift them up to help them see a positive angle to why they’re here. By being their shoulder to lean on and offering a hand when they stumble, your understanding of the adoption process and the adoption triad will grow immensely.  

EDUCATE AND ADVOCATE.  

In this God-sent time of waiting, we could use our time here to turn our attention to educating others about adoption and in turn, advocating for all three points of the adoption triad. Education can come through podcasts, books, blogs, etc. My personal favorite is through conversation. Through education, we can better understand an outsider’s confusion, empathize with a fellow hopeful-adoptive-parent, and welcome knowledge being given to us by a birth mother, adoptee, or adoptive parent.  

Finding your reason for being here is not always simple. And truth be told, it doesn’t always give you peace of mind, because some days are just hard. But it helps. By taking a hard look at your reason behind choosing to adopt, you can find the true meaning of why your life story is unfolding the way it is.  

So tell me … Why are you here?

*Post contributed by hopeful adoptive mother, Roxanne Rich

Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother, Heather Kaltenbach, who shares what they learned during their adoption journey. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this beautiful and encouraging piece with you.

Like you, I think we all went into adoption for the first time scared, uncertain, uncomfortable, and lost in all that is adoption. One thing we all know we can lean on is God and His timing. Throughout our walk in our adoption journey, we know that there are times when we feel alone and the silence in it is deafening. But if I can give you one ounce of hope – it is that God is there in the silence, in the pain, in the frustration, and He is in the joy. Here is our story – full of bumps, silence, and joy.

Our story starts off in the Summer of 2016. We were three years into our marriage and decided it was time to start our family. We thought it would be easy. We were wrong. It was difficult. Knowing something wasn’t right, I tried to make appointments to discuss what was going on – and I finally got one in December. I was told to have my husband get tested because he would be an easier fix. I sent him on a wild-goose chase. He went to his doctor, who referred him to a urologist. Disclaimer – never send husbands alone to these appointments. I am not sure what occurred, but he came home with a procedure scheduled and medicine. I made him cancel it all and sent him to the fertility specialist. Once there, he went through the appropriate testing, and he was told he was fine. The problem was me. We made an appointment for me in May of 2016. I made my mom come with me because I couldn’t hear bad news alone. I was diagnosed with PCOS and was told IUI would be my best chance at pregnancy. We went all in and went through 9 IUIs before getting pregnant. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. We tried two more times, but neither of us wanted to continue with the poking and prodding that ended in heartbreak.

In May of 2018, I saw this on Facebook – “God has you in the palm of His hand. He sees what is happening; He hasn’t brought you this far to leave you. He’d about to do something unusual, something bigger than you’ve imagined.” I stopped in my tracks and realized that there were some twists that happened that I never thought of – particularly why adoption was placed in my heart. Before I married my husband, I heard about Quiver Full Adoptions from a co-worker and wonderful friend. She is Elizabeth’s aunt. She would always talk to me about Elizabeth and Quiver Full, and I never knew why. I just listened. She made a comment that has lived within my heart for years, “I don’t know why, but I feel like you need to meet with Elizabeth.” (Elizabeth, we need to make that happen!) Then I remembered that my mom never liked the idea of fertility treatments, she said, “I feel like you are going to adopt. I just feel it.” My mom is never wrong – ever. I know now this was God walking along with me and guiding me through others. Naturally, I ignored it and did what I was going to do to have a family. I should have listened!

We announced our intent to grow our family through adoption on our Christmas cards in 2018. We became active in June of 2019. And then we waited, and waited, and waited. Oh – then Covid lockdowns happened. So, while we waited – we were locked down. We couldn’t travel and we certainly couldn’t see family. Loneliness crept in so we decided to buy a new house in July of 2020. What else could we do but make big life purchases?

On my birthday in August of 2020, we got our first opportunity to be on a call with an expectant mother. I was so nervous and so was my husband. The first day of school is always my birthday and that year was no different. With permission from my principal, I went out to my car to make the phone call. It went so well, but ultimately, we weren’t chosen. At the time, I was heartbroken. We were active for over a year, and we only had ONE call. Discouragement set in. Pain and silence were all we had. Then September came, and an expectant mom called me. I did not answer, nor did I call back until I knew it was real.

We started to grow our relationship with the expectant mother. She decided to find out more about open adoptions while she was in church. She was around five months pregnant with a boy when she contacted us. We talked weekly. We learned so much about her and grew to love her and her family. With the help of Quiver Full, we found a lawyer in her home state of Georgia. We loved this lawyer and the law firm. He took her out to lunch, and he felt she was a wonderful mother and person. A week after he met with her, we met her over Thanksgiving Break. We went to lunch with her and her mom and felt like we all just fit. She developed her hospital plan with Quiver Full, but asked for our input to make sure we were comfortable with her choices. Things were going well – until they weren’t.

In December, my brother and his family came to Florida to go to Disney, so the whole family was together and just waiting to add one more. The expectant mom was going to her weekly appointment and said she would call. Her thought was baby boy was going to come early. When I didn’t hear from her, I just knew something was wrong. I finally got a hold of her. She told me that the baby no longer had a heartbeat. She asked if she was allowed to use the names we agreed upon. Oliver Scott was born on December 9, 2020, and passed away on December 9, 2020. I was lucky to be with my family, but my heart is forever with her. She is one of the strongest women I know, and I will forever hold her in my heart.

We wanted to give up. We had been through a miscarriage, we had only one expectant parent interested in our family, and then we had Oliver pass. Maybe this was God telling us that parenting wasn’t for us. That is all we focused on and then Quiver Full called. We were not eligible for grants due to our finances. Quiver Full called us on December 14th , letting us know we received a gift of $3000. At that moment, I knew we weren’t done on our journey. We decided not to pull out of our journey in adoption, but we weren’t going to put ourselves back on the active list just yet.

December 16, 2020, changed us. Facebook populated this for me: “The pain that you’re feeling can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.” Romans 8:18. I couldn’t see that, but I didn’t want to see it. I was angry, I was hurt, and I went silent with God. While making dinner, my phone rang. It was an unknown number, but it had the area code of Georgia – so I answered on a whim. It was the lawyer and he said he had a request. He asked us if we were ok with him showing our profile to another expectant mom who was due on December 24 th . We said we were ok with it, but we had questions. Was it ethical? It was, he had already gone to the Georgia Bar Association to make sure he wasn’t violating our ethics or the expectant mom’s rights. Did she know our story? He said she did and wanted to know if we were willing to work with our lawyer’s dad (who was also an adoption lawyer). We said we would. We did not hear a word until that Friday, December 18 th . She liked us and didn’t feel the need to meet with us until the baby was born.

Christmas came and we were holding a secret. A BIG secret. We text messaged the lawyer wondering if anything happened. He said she was still working and had not gone into labor. So, we went to Target and bought some girl items and waited. And waited some more. December 29th is my husband’s birthday – we got a call. If she didn’t go into labor, she would be induced on the 30th . He advised us to head to Georgia. We were taking our time and then he called again. She was in labor, and she wanted us there! We packed up as quickly as we could and set out to a town we had never heard of to meet the mom. At 2:14AM on December 30, 2020, she gave birth to a healthy baby girl, and both were doing well.

We couldn’t get to the hospital until 9AM, but I am positive we were in the parking lot as early as possible. We put on our badges and got on the longest elevator ride of our lives – three floors up. We were with the hospital social worker when we met our daughter’s mom. She was so sincere and so happy. We came up with a name together, Noelle Raine. Noelle for being so close to Christmas and Raine because that was the name her mom wanted her to have. When we walked into our room and Noelle was pushed in by the nurse, I have never felt more complete in my life. Exactly eight hours after she was born, she grabbed my finger and hasn’t let go since.

When I could, I texted my best friend – she had her daughter on December 10, 2020. I said, “I’m sorry I can’t meet Lily. I had to meet her best friend first.” I have never kept a big secret from her, but I also knew I needed time to just be with Noelle and my husband. My mom asked if she could let our extended family know because all were so heartbroken about Oliver. And my aunt called and said that she felt a Christmas miracle was happening. It did happen.

Fast forward to April 22, 2021 – adoption day. We finalized our adoption on Zoom. According to the judge, we had the largest turn out he has ever seen for an adoption hearing. Noelle had aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, coworkers, pastors, cousins, and lawyers welcoming her to our family.

If God never had us go through the pain, we wouldn’t have Noelle. If we didn’t follow what God placed in our hearts, we wouldn’t have Noelle. We needed the bumps, the pain, and the silence on our journey to our girl. A fellow adoptive mom sent me Psalms 126:5 when I was at the height of my sorrow, “Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.”

Not so long ago, I asked Noelle if she knew what a miracle was. In all the wonder and the amazement that is a two-and-a-half-year-old, she said, “Me. I am a miracle.” And she is. She is our miracle. She is her birth mom’s miracle. She is a testament to following God and listening to Him.

I guess what I am saying is to follow the bumps, take the silence, and know God is right there. He is always there. He wouldn’t have taken you this far to let you go alone. Adoption is bumpy, bittersweet, and beautiful.

*Post contributed by adoptive mother, Heather Kaltenbach

Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother and adult adoptee, Christine Wernquist, who shares their journey in the first of a three-part series. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this beautiful piece with you.

This is the first blog post of a three-part series. My prayer in sharing our story throughout this series is that families who are in the waiting will feel encouraged and to see how God perfectly knit our story together. Disclaimer: Our daughter’s birth mother has given permission to share details of our story. Some details will remain private for the sake of the intimacy of our journey. 

Hello! My name is Christine. Adoption has always been part of my story, as I am an adoptee myself. My husband, John, and I always knew that we wanted to grow our family through adoption someday. Like so many couples, John and I faced infertility issues when trying to start our family. After a year and a half of trying and visiting fertility specialists, we were told we would never conceive naturally. We were also told that IVF and IUI would not be options either due to aggravating factors. We had a long weekend getaway trip to Gatlinburg planned, and we got the phone call from the fertility doctor the day before we were scheduled to leave. It was amazing how God had already lined up a space for us to getaway to and grieve. 

Upon our return from Gatlinburg, we decided that it was time to pursue adoption. After countless hours of research, we landed on Quiver Full Adoptions. We immediately knew that this was the agency we were meant to partner with. We hit the ground running getting all of our required documentation in order, including our home study. Three of our friends who had gone through the adoption process all used the same social worker, whom they connected us with. I never imagined the bond we would form with her and how much she would support us through the entire process and years beyond. Flash forward a couple of months and we are placed on the waitlist with QFA. The very next day, which just happened to be our anniversary, Elizabeth called us to tell us we were placed on the active list! Twenty-six days later we got a call that an expectant mother had chosen us. I will save the details on how we got connected for the next post, but the short version is that a mutual friend of a friend saw our Hoping to Adopt Facebook page and shared our information with her. 

We were cautioned of the risks of being chosen so early, considering she was only nine weeks pregnant. After an hour long phone conversation with her, we felt an overwhelming sense of peace and knew we wanted to proceed, no matter the outcome. The following months would end up being a journey we never expected. 

We were so fortunate to be in the same town as our expectant mother so we were able to get together more often than not. Whether it was getting dinner together or helping her move, every visit helped build the foundation for a beautiful friendship. She was so gracious to invite me to her OBGYN appointments. I will never forget seeing that tiny little bean on the ultrasound for the first time. I cannot describe the gratitude I felt to get to be present for her appointments throughout her pregnancy, getting to watch this precious girl grow and develop in real time, especially since I never thought I would have the opportunity to experience pregnancy. I will never forget getting a phone call from our expectant mom at work telling me, “Christine, my water broke!”. I rushed out of the building and went straight to the hospital to meet her. She had invited John and I to be present for the delivery. After about twelve hours of labor and three pushes, the most beautiful baby girl entered the world. That moment is forever seared into my heart. 

When I share our story, I often tell people that our adoption story is a bit of a unicorn story. The things we experienced are not common. It is not common to be chosen so early on. It is not common to attend so many medical appointments. It is not common to be asked to be in the room for delivery. I honestly believe it is quite rare to develop the type of friendship that we developed with our daughter’s birth mother. Everyone’s adoption journey looks different. There is not one story that is like another, which is a beautiful thing. My own adoption story is nothing like my daughter’s story. 

No matter the story, it will be beautifully imperfect. The one perfect, constant force in our story is our Heavenly Father. Isaiah 60:22 says “When the time is right I, the Lord, will make it happen”. I encourage you to lean on this verse and trust in His timing.

*Post contributed by adoptive mother and adult adoptee, Christine Wernquist

Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother, Amy Rowan, who shares what they learned during their adoption journey. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this insightful and transparent piece with you.

Adoption is a complicated tapestry woven together with strands of joy, sorrow, love, fear, excitement, grief, and more. While experiencing the journey, it’s easy to focus on the individual strands, but at the end of the story, a big, beautiful tapestry awaits. Our adoption journey officially began in December of 2019, but our desire to provide a loving home to a child or children began many years before that. Adoption had been important to Brendon and me for years as both of our families have been blessed by adoption. We knew that the process was very expensive, and before we officially began the process in 2019, we wanted to make sure that we were financially stable and had saved up enough to be prepared if things were to move quickly. Little did we know how slowly the process would move for us.

Once we applied and were accepted with the agency we chose (Quiver Full Adoptions), we knew there was a possibility that it would take years to welcome a child into our home; however, we thought “surely that won’t happen to us. God has given us this desire, so things will move quickly.” We were on a waiting list with our agency for about 8 to 9 months before we were moved to the active list which made us eligible to receive adoption situations. I’ll never forget the first adoption situation we received. We read through the situation and almost immediately said yes. Our minds then started spiraling about all the things we would need to do and the baby items we would need to purchase. I tried to keep my mind in check by reminding myself that we would not be chosen for the very first situation we ever received, but it was difficult to keep my thoughts reigned in. When we received the news that we had not been chosen, we were so disappointed even though we knew the likelihood of being chosen was low. That disappointment never got easier.

Over the next 15 months, we heard “no” so many times we began to feel numb. The wait was excruciating. We knew God had called us to adoption, but why were we hearing “no” again and again? The Lord used Psalm 130 during these difficult months. Verses 5 through 6a were especially meaningful to us during this time.

“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord…” – Psalm 130:5-6a

I would play Shane and Shane’s “I Will Wait for You (Psalm 130)” on repeat and cry out to the Lord asking him to fulfill our deepest desire to fill our home with a child or children. This wait was so difficult, and we felt as though our friends, family, and coworkers did not understand what we were going through; however, the Lord gave us comfort through this time and brought people into our lives who truly could relate with our journey. Just when we felt we hit a new “low,” the Lord would provide either a financial blessing to help with adoption expenses or the kind words or actions of a friend. He was with us through the entire journey!

During those 15 months of waiting, there were many times we connected with expectant mothers, and we were so close to hearing “yes,” but that yes did not come until December of 2021. An expectant mother finally picked us! The baby was due in May of 2022, and we could not be more excited. We celebrated with family and friends and grew more excited by the day. The expectant mother lived about 2.5 hours away from us, so she was close enough to meet and spend some time with. We got to know her very well and communicated daily. We traveled to take her to doctor’s appointments and picked out a name for baby boy together. Our friends and family threw baby showers for us, and we had prepared everything we needed to welcome baby boy into our home. As her due date approached the expectant mother seemed to grow more distant. We expected this to happen as we knew that the closer the due date came, the more difficult things would be for her both physically and emotionally; however, I began preparing my heart for an adoption disruption. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I had an instinct that the expectant mother would not follow through with her adoption plan. I truly believe this was the Lord preparing my heart for what was to come.

On the day before the expectant mother’s scheduled C-Section, we traveled to her hometown and checked into a hotel. It was there that we discovered that we had been blocked from all forms of communication with her, and our adoption agency had as well. We were devastated. Not only because of the adoption disruption, but also because it felt like we had lost a friend. We had spent months building a relationship with this expectant mother, and suddenly we had no contact with her. We drove home and unpacked our car. It was filled to the brim with baby items. We put all those items in the nursery, closed the door, and left them there for several weeks before we could muster up the courage to put them away. We spent the next week with our family, both grieving the loss of the child we expected to welcome into our home, but also rejoicing that the baby’s mother felt empowered and supported enough to raise her child. When we were tempted to feel like those six months were a waste of time and money, we remembered that the mother who had chosen us needed someone to walk through her pregnancy with her. We felt as though God had allowed us to be there to support her when she needed it most. That is certainly not a waste! We are thankful that both she and God had chosen us to walk beside her during a time in her life when she needed support.

Almost immediately after the disruption we jumped back into the world of waiting to be chosen. Again. Over the next couple of months, we had glimmers of hope that we were going to be chosen, but ultimately, we were not. We felt the Lord leading us to partner with an adoption attorney in addition to our agency to hopefully broaden our reach with expectant mothers. By this point in time, our official adoption journey had been ongoing longer than 2.5 years. After taking the leap to retain the adoption attorney, we were contacted about the possibility of being presented to two different expectant mothers, but the attorney’s office would only present us to one at a time, so we had to pick one. We picked the situation that seemed a little bit more complicated, but we both felt the Lord leading us that direction. And boy are we glad we listened to His leading! The expectant mother picked us! This was mid-July, and her due date was only a little over 2 months away. Once again, we were thrilled!

After the initial excitement settled, the fear of another disruption began to creep in. The roller coaster of emotions was so difficult. One moment I could barely contain my excitement, and the next moment, I would be convinced that it was too good to be true. The Lord brought Psalm 34:4 to our attention which says,

“I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears.” – Psalm 34:4

When tempted to fear, I would do my best to redirect my attention to seeking the Lord. We knew that He cared for us and had plans for our family. And boy were they amazing plans.

In late September, our precious daughter, Ivy Marie, was born in Oregon. We traveled across the entire country (which is a story of God’s provision in and of itself). She was in our arms a mere 12 hours after her birth, and she has been loved and held by us ever since. The name Ivy means “God’s gracious gift,” and besides our relationship with God, Ivy is our greatest most treasured blessing. The Lord provided for us in many ways during our time in Oregon. Friends and family donated toward our travel expenses, we were chosen to be the recipients of an adoption grant the same day we found out the adoption would be more expensive than we originally anticipated, and we received multiple gift cards for coffee and food. This doesn’t include the businesses that supported our journey by donating portions of their sales to our adoption fund, our church family donating toward adoption expenses, the people we met in Oregon who loaned us baby supplies, or the fundraisers that family and friends held on our behalf.

Our story is not perfect. I doubted God’s plan through this process, and there were times that I wondered if our desire to provide a home for a child was our own selfish desire. Had we misunderstood what we felt to be God’s calling? No, we heard Him correctly – He just had some work to do in our hearts before we were ready. One of the things I learned through this process is that it’s ok to need the help of others. My personality is wired to be a helper – I love to be there for others when they need it. But there will be times that I need help, and it’s ok to allow others to be a blessing to me. I also learned that God’s timing is not always our timing. When we started this process in 2019, I wanted a child…like yesterday. I could never have dreamed that we would have to wait almost 3 years before that desire would become a reality. But God taught us so much during the wait. He taught us to be patient, and He taught us to keep our eyes on Him.

As we prepare to celebrate Ivy’s first birthday, I am so thankful for what God taught us through this journey. Don’t be discouraged during the wait. Lean into the support of your family and friends and lean into the lessons that the Lord is teaching you. When God has placed a desire in your heart, pursue that desire and know that He will prepare a way in His own timing. Seek Him and His desires for your life will become your desires. Psalm 37:4 says,

“Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” – Psalm 37:4

This verse does not mean that God will give you whatever you want whenever you want; however, it does mean that as you desire God, he will mold your desires to align with His. When I look at the tapestry of our adoption journey and trace back each individual strand, they all lead back to God’s goodness. The tapestry, though full of tears and trials, is beautiful.

*Post contributed by adoptive mother, Amy Rowan

Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive father, Joseph Tanner, who wrote it during their adoption journey for his blog, Consulting & Counseling. With his gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this honest, relatable piece on our own blog. We hope you find his words helpful and encouraging.

Melicia and I have committed to engaging on this platform often enough to document our story and keep others informed along the path, so it’s time for another update. We want others – whether you’re going through a similar situation or not – to be able to understand what we’re thinking and what’s going on along the way, rather than when we look back at the end. Hindsight’s 20/20, but there’s also a temptation for some revisionist history along the way if don’t stay in the moment. So, here goes – we’re in a new stage of waiting and here’s what that’s like:

We are officially “active” with our adoption agency! This means we are eligible to be matched with a situation that our agency brings to our attention. Once we’re notified of an [expectant] mother situation, we are able to say “yes” or “no” and then the [expectant] mother will choose from all active couples who say “yes” to the situation, thereby forming a match.

In this stage, a couple of ideas are running through our minds. First, we want to say “yes” to everything. We’ve got a lot of love to give and this has been a long process. The end starts to seem like it could be near. Second, we realize we can’t say “yes” to everything. Our adoption agency has been very helpful in providing some topics we need to discuss in advance so that we can be prepared to quickly say “yes” or “no” when that email comes through. Though not an exhaustive list, topics include:

• Are we equipped for the immediate medical needs of the baby? This means mentally and emotionally, but even financially – and especially geographically, what medical and childcare services are available where we live?
• Are we equipped culturally and socially for the needs of the baby? Do we have people and resources in our life to support a child who may come from a different cultural or ethnic background than ours?
• Are we equipped for the long-term developmental needs of the baby? Given what’s known at the time, do we have access to the necessary kinds of education and specialized schooling the child may need? If not, would we be in a position to change our circumstances?

These are hard questions because we never want to say “no,” but we have to understand and be honest with ourselves when we’re not the best option for this baby. It would be selfish to ignore that truth and say “yes” when it’s unwise to do so. If you’re going through the adoption process and haven’t been exposed to these kinds of considerations, please reach out and we’d love to share what we’ve learned in more detail.

And then we get to those situations where we do say “yes.” After that, we just wait – we hope and pray that we’re chosen. That brings me to the third idea running through our minds these days. We want so badly to plead our case as to why we should be chosen. “Look at our profile book! Look! We’re a perfect fit! We satisfy the exact needs in this situation – no need to stress over the decision!” If only we could say that, we might be chosen…

…but that’s not the way it works.

For good reason, we cannot plead our case. We have to remember that this process is not designed for our benefit. It is for the child and then it is for the [expectant] mother. We ought not place undue pressure on a birth mother when an ideal resolution is full restoration and a unified family. This world is a broken place, but we should not desire another broken family so that ours can be full. To do so would be inconsiderate, un-Christlike, and unethical. Instead, we are simply experiencing a different kind of waiting – one where even though we’re waiting for something different, we are once again left waiting to trust the Lord’s will, timing, and provision.

*Post contributed by adoptive father, Joseph Tanner .

Read more about Joseph & Melicia’s story by visiting Joseph’s blog, Consulting & Counseling.

Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother, Tonya Taylor, who shares part of their adoption story. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this piece with you.

When we first started our adoption journey, we just knew we were “prepared” for parenthood!! I had been a nanny for over six years, we had Godsons we adored, we had read so very much, we owned our own home, we both had wonderful jobs, we prepared the nursery and all of those other things we thought we needed, we had prayed and prayed, and finally, we just needed God to send us that sweet expectant mama who was carrying our child! Or so we thought…

We had several opportunities come up within our five months of waiting, but it wasn’t until a cold February morning that we woke up to find THE email waiting for us! After the last situation, we didn’t want to get too invested. What if she didn’t like us or what if she changed her mind? Turns out, she loved us and we loved her—it was a match made in heaven! We walked this road our expectant mama for two months. We were getting attached to her, getting attached to this unborn baby, and all at the same time trying to remind ourselves that she could decide to parent and leave us empty-handed. Unlike a pregnancy where you prepare and you know what will happen in the end, with adoption you prepare and have no idea what should or will happen in the end.

Those two months were chaotic. There was no planning anything, including our son’s arrival because of the unknown. We were first told one due date, then that date got pushed back two more weeks, and then he was here! He came completely unexpected, four weeks earlier than the due date we were given. Thankfully, he was completely healthy and full term.

The initial legal process went as planned, leaving the hospital went as planned, but then there was the wait to finalize the interstate adoption. Who prepares you to spend your first couple of days in a hotel room with an infant? What about all those gadgets you bought because you thought you needed them those first few days that you had to leave at home? What about those first sleepless nights without the swing or the oh so amazing Baby Brezza formula maker?

Then, there was that amazing woman you met. The one who you grew to admire, who you had talked to for months, and who had decided to bless your family with this miracle. She was an intricate part of your life and the life you now held in your hands, but you now no longer communicate due to the arrangements made to protect everyone involved. Who warned you about this heartbreak? Truly, adoption is an unpredictable, yet inexplicably beautiful process that can be quite the roller coaster. It is in this roller coaster, however, that we were given the most amazing gift that was not only worth the wait but also worth the initial heartbreak.

Life with this sweet baby has been amazing, and we are blessed by him every day, but it has not been the easiest. He was diagnosed with a heart condition at only 12 days old. The medicine he was given caused him to have silent reflux, in turn causing an excessive amount of stomach pain. Once we figured out he had reflux, it took us some time to figure out which one medication was the best for him. We were completely ready for the sleepless nights, but no one tells you how to handle a heart rate of 250 in this new tiny life you are now responsible for!

Every day when we wake up to this super sweet face, we thank God for him and then pinch ourselves to make sure we aren’t still dreaming! It is through this exact process that we realized we were not prepared for parenthood or even adoption like we thought we were. But thankfully, God has walked us through it every step of the way and prepared us to be parents because truly, when in life are you ever prepared for such a huge life change? So, those days where he cried excessively, we leaned on chocolate, Coke Zero, coffee, one another, and oh did we pray! Now that we have figured this little guy out and he only wakes up for one feeding during the night, we still lean into the same things. As we navigate through this crazy, beautiful adventure called parenthood, we find our rhythm and pray that through each stage of our son’s life, we will be present, willing, and able to lead his precious heart in the way that God has ordained us to.

 

Sweet parents who are waiting on that call, text, or email, know that it is so worth it. This baby is so worth loving. This baby is so worth the heartache. Moreover, you were created with the desire to be a parent. This desire is preparation enough. You will never be more prepared that you are in the moment that you realize God’s plan for your family includes adoption. After all, He doesn’t call the prepared, He prepares the called.

*Post contributed by adoptive mother, Tonya Taylor

Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother, Emily Monson, who shares what they learned during their adoption journey. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this helpful piece with you.

We began our adoption journey a little more than six months ago, when our biological son Moses was three and a half years old. A couple months into the process, our social worker came over for our final in-person home study visit (the very last step to complete our home study with the state). The doorbell rang and I welcomed Sandy in. Moses came running down the stairs from his room with arms open to give her a big hug and blurted out, “I’m so excited to meet my new brother or sister, Miss Sandy!” Spencer and I about died laughing.

My husband and I spent nearly two years trying to conceive before deciding to pursue adoption. Throughout this time, Moses would frequently ask about being a brother. It broke our hearts that we couldn’t make him one. We went through countless infertility treatments over the course of eight months or so, and after our final failed treatment, we decided to discontinue the medical interventions and open our mind to what God had put on our hearts long ago—adoption.

When we realized that we would not actually be able to physically bring a sibling into the world for Moses, we began to think about the ways that we could explain adoption to him. Because he is so young and his heart is still fragile, this was very important to us. The way that we described adoption to Moses at this moment would forever shape the way that he viewed his brother or sister in the future. Would he think of them differently because things didn’t happen the conventional way that he’s seen in other families? Would he think this baby is less special because it was adopted? We never wanted any of these things to happen, so we knew it was super important that we shape this in light of God’s love.

It became time to fill Moses in on what was happening in our hearts and in our family, and honestly we simplified adoption to its fundamental root. We are adopting because we feel like it’s what God has called us to in this season of life. Although this may be a trying experience at times, we are confident that He will fulfill the promise He has already spoken over us. So, we simply told Moses that God was bringing him a brother or sister and that he was finally going to be a big brother. This may seem simple and overrated, but it’s what is going to happen! When he’s so young, simple is best. After all, it didn’t take long for him to begin telling anyone who would listen! His excitement has truly filled our family with even more joy than we could ever imagine.

We are currently waiting to be matched with an expectant mom. The wait is so hard on all of us, but we know that God is writing a better story than we ever could. He continues to stretch our faith and deepen our expectations of what is yet to come. Moses is going to be an amazing big brother someday, and I can’t wait to hear him tell the story of how God answered his prayers and finally made him a brother.

What are some ways that you’ve explained adoption to your children, especially younger ones? Are there any helpful resources that you’ve looked to, books you’ve read them, or Scripture you’ve looked to for guidance? Let us know in the comment section of this post!

* Post contributed by adoptive mother, Emily Monson