Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother, Heather Kaltenbach, who shares what they learned during their adoption journey. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this beautiful and encouraging piece with you.

Like you, I think we all went into adoption for the first time scared, uncertain, uncomfortable, and lost in all that is adoption. One thing we all know we can lean on is God and His timing. Throughout our walk in our adoption journey, we know that there are times when we feel alone and the silence in it is deafening. But if I can give you one ounce of hope – it is that God is there in the silence, in the pain, in the frustration, and He is in the joy. Here is our story – full of bumps, silence, and joy.

Our story starts off in the Summer of 2016. We were three years into our marriage and decided it was time to start our family. We thought it would be easy. We were wrong. It was difficult. Knowing something wasn’t right, I tried to make appointments to discuss what was going on – and I finally got one in December. I was told to have my husband get tested because he would be an easier fix. I sent him on a wild-goose chase. He went to his doctor, who referred him to a urologist. Disclaimer – never send husbands alone to these appointments. I am not sure what occurred, but he came home with a procedure scheduled and medicine. I made him cancel it all and sent him to the fertility specialist. Once there, he went through the appropriate testing, and he was told he was fine. The problem was me. We made an appointment for me in May of 2016. I made my mom come with me because I couldn’t hear bad news alone. I was diagnosed with PCOS and was told IUI would be my best chance at pregnancy. We went all in and went through 9 IUIs before getting pregnant. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. We tried two more times, but neither of us wanted to continue with the poking and prodding that ended in heartbreak.

In May of 2018, I saw this on Facebook – “God has you in the palm of His hand. He sees what is happening; He hasn’t brought you this far to leave you. He’d about to do something unusual, something bigger than you’ve imagined.” I stopped in my tracks and realized that there were some twists that happened that I never thought of – particularly why adoption was placed in my heart. Before I married my husband, I heard about Quiver Full Adoptions from a co-worker and wonderful friend. She is Elizabeth’s aunt. She would always talk to me about Elizabeth and Quiver Full, and I never knew why. I just listened. She made a comment that has lived within my heart for years, “I don’t know why, but I feel like you need to meet with Elizabeth.” (Elizabeth, we need to make that happen!) Then I remembered that my mom never liked the idea of fertility treatments, she said, “I feel like you are going to adopt. I just feel it.” My mom is never wrong – ever. I know now this was God walking along with me and guiding me through others. Naturally, I ignored it and did what I was going to do to have a family. I should have listened!

We announced our intent to grow our family through adoption on our Christmas cards in 2018. We became active in June of 2019. And then we waited, and waited, and waited. Oh – then Covid lockdowns happened. So, while we waited – we were locked down. We couldn’t travel and we certainly couldn’t see family. Loneliness crept in so we decided to buy a new house in July of 2020. What else could we do but make big life purchases?

On my birthday in August of 2020, we got our first opportunity to be on a call with an expectant mother. I was so nervous and so was my husband. The first day of school is always my birthday and that year was no different. With permission from my principal, I went out to my car to make the phone call. It went so well, but ultimately, we weren’t chosen. At the time, I was heartbroken. We were active for over a year, and we only had ONE call. Discouragement set in. Pain and silence were all we had. Then September came, and an expectant mom called me. I did not answer, nor did I call back until I knew it was real.

We started to grow our relationship with the expectant mother. She decided to find out more about open adoptions while she was in church. She was around five months pregnant with a boy when she contacted us. We talked weekly. We learned so much about her and grew to love her and her family. With the help of Quiver Full, we found a lawyer in her home state of Georgia. We loved this lawyer and the law firm. He took her out to lunch, and he felt she was a wonderful mother and person. A week after he met with her, we met her over Thanksgiving Break. We went to lunch with her and her mom and felt like we all just fit. She developed her hospital plan with Quiver Full, but asked for our input to make sure we were comfortable with her choices. Things were going well – until they weren’t.

In December, my brother and his family came to Florida to go to Disney, so the whole family was together and just waiting to add one more. The expectant mom was going to her weekly appointment and said she would call. Her thought was baby boy was going to come early. When I didn’t hear from her, I just knew something was wrong. I finally got a hold of her. She told me that the baby no longer had a heartbeat. She asked if she was allowed to use the names we agreed upon. Oliver Scott was born on December 9, 2020, and passed away on December 9, 2020. I was lucky to be with my family, but my heart is forever with her. She is one of the strongest women I know, and I will forever hold her in my heart.

We wanted to give up. We had been through a miscarriage, we had only one expectant parent interested in our family, and then we had Oliver pass. Maybe this was God telling us that parenting wasn’t for us. That is all we focused on and then Quiver Full called. We were not eligible for grants due to our finances. Quiver Full called us on December 14th , letting us know we received a gift of $3000. At that moment, I knew we weren’t done on our journey. We decided not to pull out of our journey in adoption, but we weren’t going to put ourselves back on the active list just yet.

December 16, 2020, changed us. Facebook populated this for me: “The pain that you’re feeling can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.” Romans 8:18. I couldn’t see that, but I didn’t want to see it. I was angry, I was hurt, and I went silent with God. While making dinner, my phone rang. It was an unknown number, but it had the area code of Georgia – so I answered on a whim. It was the lawyer and he said he had a request. He asked us if we were ok with him showing our profile to another expectant mom who was due on December 24 th . We said we were ok with it, but we had questions. Was it ethical? It was, he had already gone to the Georgia Bar Association to make sure he wasn’t violating our ethics or the expectant mom’s rights. Did she know our story? He said she did and wanted to know if we were willing to work with our lawyer’s dad (who was also an adoption lawyer). We said we would. We did not hear a word until that Friday, December 18 th . She liked us and didn’t feel the need to meet with us until the baby was born.

Christmas came and we were holding a secret. A BIG secret. We text messaged the lawyer wondering if anything happened. He said she was still working and had not gone into labor. So, we went to Target and bought some girl items and waited. And waited some more. December 29th is my husband’s birthday – we got a call. If she didn’t go into labor, she would be induced on the 30th . He advised us to head to Georgia. We were taking our time and then he called again. She was in labor, and she wanted us there! We packed up as quickly as we could and set out to a town we had never heard of to meet the mom. At 2:14AM on December 30, 2020, she gave birth to a healthy baby girl, and both were doing well.

We couldn’t get to the hospital until 9AM, but I am positive we were in the parking lot as early as possible. We put on our badges and got on the longest elevator ride of our lives – three floors up. We were with the hospital social worker when we met our daughter’s mom. She was so sincere and so happy. We came up with a name together, Noelle Raine. Noelle for being so close to Christmas and Raine because that was the name her mom wanted her to have. When we walked into our room and Noelle was pushed in by the nurse, I have never felt more complete in my life. Exactly eight hours after she was born, she grabbed my finger and hasn’t let go since.

When I could, I texted my best friend – she had her daughter on December 10, 2020. I said, “I’m sorry I can’t meet Lily. I had to meet her best friend first.” I have never kept a big secret from her, but I also knew I needed time to just be with Noelle and my husband. My mom asked if she could let our extended family know because all were so heartbroken about Oliver. And my aunt called and said that she felt a Christmas miracle was happening. It did happen.

Fast forward to April 22, 2021 – adoption day. We finalized our adoption on Zoom. According to the judge, we had the largest turn out he has ever seen for an adoption hearing. Noelle had aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, coworkers, pastors, cousins, and lawyers welcoming her to our family.

If God never had us go through the pain, we wouldn’t have Noelle. If we didn’t follow what God placed in our hearts, we wouldn’t have Noelle. We needed the bumps, the pain, and the silence on our journey to our girl. A fellow adoptive mom sent me Psalms 126:5 when I was at the height of my sorrow, “Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy.”

Not so long ago, I asked Noelle if she knew what a miracle was. In all the wonder and the amazement that is a two-and-a-half-year-old, she said, “Me. I am a miracle.” And she is. She is our miracle. She is her birth mom’s miracle. She is a testament to following God and listening to Him.

I guess what I am saying is to follow the bumps, take the silence, and know God is right there. He is always there. He wouldn’t have taken you this far to let you go alone. Adoption is bumpy, bittersweet, and beautiful.

*Post contributed by adoptive mother, Heather Kaltenbach

Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother, Beth Hardy, who shares what they learned during their adoption journey. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this encouraging, transparent piece with you.

“I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy.  I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.” – Art Williams

The adoption journey is never an easy one, no matter what happens along the way.  Someone’s heart will break. There will be many tears shed. There is anxiety around every corner. However, every single second that you are experiencing the pain, doubt, and fear that come along with the process, know there is a purpose behind it all. God has a beautiful path for you to follow to your son or daughter—you just have to trust it.

Our adoption journey began in February 2016. John and I were so excited that we finally had a clear path that would lead us to our baby. We were in complete shock when we matched so quickly after only being live on our Facebook page for one day. A friend of a friend connected us with a young expectant mother (M) who was already overdue. Could this be happening? Would we finally be parents after 5 years of trying so hard to start our family? Was this our daughter? We got the call on a Friday a few weeks later that M was in labor and already at the hospital dilated to 6 centimeters. We needed to get there immediately so we rushed home from work, quickly packed—hindsight we probably should have been more prepared—and drove the 5 plus hours to Georgia to meet our baby girl. She was born before we got there, but we were able to hold her right away. I was shaking so hard that I had to sit down and hand her to John. I couldn’t believe she was actually here—our daughter, who we had prayed for, was finally in our arms.

But then she wasn’t. We spent the night in the hospital caring for that sweet baby girl, but God had other plans for us. We got a call the next day that M had changed her mind, and shortly after that the nurse came in to take her away from us. I was crying, John was crying, the nurse was crying, and I am sure M was crying, too. What a difficult decision for her to make. To have the courage, at 16 years old, to decide that she could be a Mommy. To know that, as young as she was, this was the path that she was willing to take—knowing it would not be easy, and that she was doing what she thought was best for her daughter. Were we upset?  Of course! Was it difficult to move forward? Yes. Did we question continuing with the adoption process? You bet. However, God had a purpose in connecting us with M. We truly believe we were put into M’s life to give her that little push she needed to realize she wanted to be a parent. While the adoption was a failure to us, at the same time it was an affirmation to M—that she could do this and be the best Mommy she could be, and that God trusted her to do what was best for that sweet baby girl and to always put her needs first.

A few short months later, after speaking with several expectant mothers, we connected to another young woman who would soon become our next match, “A”. She was young, having trouble in her marriage, had four children at home, and had already placed her son for adoption a few years ago. I was convinced God led us to her because the baby’s due date was July 29, my birthday! “A” and I became fast friends, texting all day long, typically every day. John and I met her, her husband, and one year old daughter for Mexican food one day. The conversation never stopped and she seemed so sure that adding another baby to her household would be far too difficult to handle. As more time passed, she began to feel more and more unsure. With her last adoption, things did not go as planned. She was still having a difficult time connecting to the adoptive parents and they were not nearly as open as they had originally planned. Her family was very much against her decision to make an adoption plan and they were starting to make her feel like she was a bad mother. “A” knew this would be her last child and was having difficulty with the idea of not experiencing all of the “baby” things one last time. All of these doubts were starting to creep into her mind; however, “A” and I made plans to meet one last time before the she gave birth. In the meantime, her mother and her friends had a baby shower for her. She ordered personalized onesies and hats for the baby when he was born, and started to purchase other baby things. It was so hard to see these preparations when we so wanted this baby to be ours. We had already been through a failure and I just didn’t know that we could take another one.

John and I began to realize that “A” was feeling that adoption was not the right choice for her family. We never met again, and when the little boy was born on July 25,  she did not ask us to be at the hospital. We gave her the space she needed to make her decision, but in our hearts, we knew what the answer was going to be. That little boy was not ours and we would never meet him. Yet another failure on our bumpy adoption road.

When John and I began to realize that “A” was changing her mind about the adoption plan, I connected to another expectant mother “D” who lived only 20 minutes away. She was a young woman who had a 2 year-old daughter, lived with her boyfriend, and had medical issues that she believed prevented her from caring for a newborn. With the support of her mother and a therapist, she decided to move forward with an adoption plan for her little boy and chose us to parent. We met with “D” and her boyfriend a few times and were even blessed enough to be present for an ultrasound of the sweet baby boy. John and I were so convinced that this was our son, that we allowed ourselves to begin to buy baby stuff. We talked about names, picked paint colors for the nursery, and actually got excited that this was finally our chance. We would be parents and our son would be home with us in a few short weeks. God wouldn’t let us down this time!

We got a text on August 5th that “D” was in labor and that we should get to the hospital immediately. It was a short drive away, so we were able to be with “D” during her labor, only leaving the room when she was ready to push. John and I waited nervously in the waiting room until “D’s” mother came to get us to meet our son—OUR SON! As soon as we got back to the room, they placed him in my arms. “D” asked us what name we had chosen for him and I finally exhaled and spoke it out loud for the first time. Was this really the end? Was he really ours? Would our prayers finally be answered? The short answer is no—over the weekend, we cared for that sweet little boy while “D” rested and her boyfriend worked. John and I only went home at night to sleep and were back in the hospital the next morning to bask in the joy of new parenthood. Sunday was the day that paperwork was going to be signed and that morning, we went to the hospital thinking everything was going as planned. We had his car seat ready, bassinet set up, and clothes washed. We thought he was coming home with us, but things took an unexpected turn. After a heart-wrenching, anxiety-filled day waiting on the benches outside of the hospital, we were told that papers were not going to be signed. They wanted more time with the baby. He was not coming home with us. This failure hit particularly hard for us because both John and I were so convinced this was our baby. “D” and her boyfriend, even on Sunday morning, were telling us what great parents we would be and that they were not changing their minds. That’s the thing about adoption—the path is never a straight one and nothing is guaranteed. We just couldn’t believe God had let us down yet again. Another failure? How could we come back from this one?

To say we were devastated is an understatement. I went to work the next day and had a complete break down, so bad I couldn’t drive home. John had to come pick me up and I cried nonstop that entire day. How could God do this to us? What lesson were we supposed to learn this time? How would we ever become parents?

With yet another failure, came another purpose. God does not lead you down a painful path without a reason in mind. At the time, I was convinced that we were just being tortured. Why would we be given another chance at parenthood only to get it taken away so easily? Why would we be connected to an expectant mother that was so unsure? Little did I know God was preparing us for parenthood, but not in the way we were expecting. The very same day that “A”’s little boy was born—two failed adoptions back—our daughter actually came into the world. We had no idea who she was, or had even met her birth mother, but she was waiting for us to find her and bring her home. God knew we were ready to be parents, but the timing just wasn’t right yet.

To tell you the truth, it was so hard to see through the fog of complete despair. At the time, we were both angry and confused; however, we knew there was a purpose for us meeting this couple and to experience this failure. In our heart of hearts, this was not a match that we truly wanted, and God knew it. The birth parents wanted to see the baby once a month, then changed their mind to every other weekend. We couldn’t say no because at the time, we were so desperate to be parents that we would have probably agreed to anything. We truly did want an open adoption, but what the birth parents were looking for seemed more like co-parenting. I know they would not have been happy with their decision had they moved forward with the adoption, and I know that eventually, we would not have been able to live up to our end of the bargain. God knew this wasn’t the match for us and was leading us to our daughter all along, we just had to trust in His timing.

Two weeks to the day after learning that the little boy would not be ours, I got a text telling us about a three week old baby girl whose mother was looking for an adoptive family. I agreed to share our profile with the birth mother and not thinking anything would come out of it, didn’t share this opportunity with John.  I didn’t want him to get his hopes up yet again and honestly, I didn’t think much of it. Why would we be chosen this time? Nothing else seemed to be working in our favor and I didn’t allow myself to get excited. However, a few short hours later, I found out we were chosen out of ten other families! I got the phone call while I was in the middle of teaching and just burst into tears. Could this REALLY be our daughter? After everything we had been through, all of the failures, sleepless nights, and heartache, would we finally become parents?

On August 22, 2016, we drove the three hours to meet our daughter—OUR daughter. It took seven agonizing months, but all of it didn’t matter in the end. We truly believe we were always meant to be Piper’s parents and God had planned for us to find her all along. She is a perfect fit for our family and I could not imagine being any other child’s mommy. Throughout this adoption process, I have learned a lot about faith and trusting in God’s timing. Had one of our other matches worked out, we wouldn’t have Piper—and she wouldn’t have us. Did I wish our journey was not so difficult? Sometimes, but then I look at my daughter and know she wouldn’t be with us if we had followed another path. Was it easy? No. Worth it? Absolutely!

*Post contributed by adoptive mother, Beth Hardy. 

Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother, Beth Hardy, who shares some of their adoption story. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this honest and encouraging piece with you.

Our adoption journey started as many others do.  A year of trying to get pregnant, a visit to the fertility specialist, multiple procedures, a miscarriage, the decision to stop trying, taking some time for ourselves.  Then, the inevitable happened…we still desperately wanted to become parents.  So, we began another chapter in our lives, this time determined that God had big plans in store for us.

We started 2016 with the belief and drive that we would become parents.   In February, the day after our Facebook page went live, we were already matched with an expectant mother (M).  She was two weeks overdue and could have the baby any day. We were left scrambling to complete our Home Study and preparing ourselves to become parents to a sweet baby girl.   John and I could not believe our luck!  God was finally smiling down on us after all of the heartache we had been through.

We got the phone call two weeks later.  M was 5 centimeters dilated, so we rushed home from work to pack and drove 5 hours to meet our little bundle of joy.  She was perfect, she was an angel, she was as good as ours…and then she wasn’t.

We spent a little less than a day in the hospital caring for our precious baby. We named her, changed her diapers, fed her, comforted her when they took her blood, and loved on her.  But, she was not meant to be ours.  The birth mother changed her mind.  The happiest day of our lives turned into a horrible nightmare.

We always knew this was a possibility.  The most challenging part of adoption is giving up complete control and putting your faith in God that everything will turn out the way it is meant to be.  That little girl would not become our daughter, even though we both wanted her to be.  So, we were faced with a decision to make…let the sadness engulf us or move forward with the idea that God put us in M’s life for a reason.

At first, the decision was not an easy one.  We allowed ourselves to be truly sad, angry, and upset.  But, as the days went on, we realized that God had bigger plans for us than we first thought.  While we were not meant to be parents to this baby girl, we were put into her life for a reason.  God knew that M needed a little nudge to step up to the plate of motherhood and we were there to push her.  While this was not the outcome we saw in our future, it was the outcome that God had planned all along.

As the weeks have gone by, life is slowly returning to normal.  I will not lie to you and say that we are completely healed from this experience, but it gets a little bit easier every day.  Finding the silver lining has been difficult, but it is important to be able to move forward.  I know that God has good things in store for us and I cling to that belief.  I wake up every day and tell myself that we are one step closer to meeting our baby.  No matter what happens along the way, we are always one step closer.

*Post contributed by adoptive mother, Beth Hardy.