Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother and adult adoptee, Christine Wernquist, who shares their journey in this second installment of a three-part series. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this beautiful piece with you.

This is the second blog post of a three-part series. My prayer in sharing our story throughout this series is that families who are in the waiting will feel encouraged and to see how God perfectly knit our story together. Disclaimer: Our daughter’s birth mother has given permission to share details of our story. Some details will remain private for the sake of the intimacy of our journey. 

In the intricate tapestry of adoption, the threads of connection weave a story unique to each family. For us, the journey began when we were chosen by Brittiany, an extraordinary woman whose decision would forever shape the course of our lives. In this blog post, I invite you to join me as I share our experience of building a relationship with the incredible woman who entrusted us with the privilege of becoming parents.

From the moment our paths crossed, a spark ignited – a shared understanding of the profound emotions surrounding adoption. We were both excited, hopeful, scared, and everything in between.  Brittiany and I agreed from the start that no matter what the following months would bring we would promise to always be open and honest with each other. Open communication laid the foundation for trust and mutual respect. As we spent time together, a bond blossomed, connecting our lives in a way we could never have imagined.

My goal going into this experience was to have minimal expectations, only because I truly did not know what to expect. Like many hopeful adoptive parents, I had many fears: fearful of coming across as ingenuine, fearful of her not liking us, fearful of awkward interactions, and the selfish fear of walking away without a child. Ultimately, I was able to set my fears to the side and truly go in with an open heart. No matter the outcome, we believed we were in each other’s lives for a reason. Going in with an open heart was the best decision my husband and I could have made. We learned the delicate balance of being present without overwhelming, listening without judgment, and offering support without strings attached. 

As the months went by, we celebrated milestones together – from ultrasound appointments to moving apartments and assembling cribs, and ultimately being invited to experience the birth of our daughter. Engaging in these shared experiences fostered a sense of unity and reassurance for both us and Britiany. Adoption, like any significant life change, presented its share of challenges, of course. By facing challenges together, our bond deepened, proving that unity in the face of adversity strengthens the foundation of any relationship

For Brittiany and I, one of the cornerstones of our relationship is the commitment to honesty and transparency. Sharing our thoughts, fears, and joys openly allowed us to cultivate a relationship built on authenticity. I would encourage all waiting families to foster the same commitment when chosen by an expectant mother. 

When I reflect on this time in our adoption journey, I can’t help but think of Ecclesiastes 3:11, which says “He has made everything beautiful in its time”. The friendship and bond that Brittiany and I formed is nothing short of beautiful. To the waiting families, I encourage you to lean into this. God is making your story beautiful in His time. 

Ultimately, Brittiany’s decision to choose us was a profound act of trust. As we welcomed the gift of parenthood, we vowed to honor that trust by creating a loving and supportive environment for our daughter. This shared commitment became the cornerstone of our evolving relationship, marking the beginning of a beautiful family story.

*Post contributed by adoptive mother and adult adoptee, Christine Wernquist

Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother, Cecily Conquest, who shares a vulnerable look into what they learned through their own experience pursuing adoption after infertility. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this truth-filled and encouraging piece with you.

I will never forget the moment I heard a doctor say to me, “you will never be able to have [biological] children.” I had just turned 16 and was diagnosed with a rare genetic condition that resulted in infertility. Everything around me blurred, the doctor’s voice muffled as I felt my world crumbling around me. My dreams, my plans and my future all shattered with one sentence. I felt betrayed by my own body. It was not able to do the “one” thing a woman’s body should be able to do. I honestly don’t remember a lot of what happened in the six months after my diagnosis. I was grieving the plans I had made for my life and the dreams of what could have been. I was feeling broken, defective and purposeless. 

For years I have prayed and pleaded with the Lord to heal my body. I’ve cried out to Him to open my womb like He did for Sarah and Elizabeth. I know He is more than capable to perform even the most unbelievable miracles. In Daniel 3 it talks about the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abendego and how King Nebuchadnezzar is threatening to cast them into the fiery furnace if they do not bow down and worship him. They say something so profound that I think can apply to infertility. 

They say, “We do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us. But even if He does not, we want you to know, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” 

What a beautiful picture of what we can do when it comes to our infertility. We can pray that God would heal our bodies and have the faith to say, ”But even if He does not…He is still good. He is still a kind and loving Father. He still loves me.” Friends, if you have found your way to the adoption journey because of infertility I want you to know that you are not alone. You are not broken. You are not defective. You are strong. You are brave. You have purpose. You are loved by God. We can still trust Him “even if He does not”. 

For many women I think it’s safe to say that we desire to be mothers above most things and when we are faced with infertility it can even heighten that desire. We see friend after friend share pregnancy announcements and while we can be genuinely happy for them, feelings of jealousy and heartbreak can co-exist. This is where we must be so careful in the journey to adoption. Before we even step into the process we need to check our hearts and make sure we have worked towards healing the grief of infertility.

The diagnosis of infertility can be absolutely life altering and without proper healing we can unintentionally cause harm in the adoption process. It is easy to feel like a baby can heal our wound of infertility, but that is the farthest thing from the truth. Only God and a great therapist can help us process through that level of grief. I don’t know that the wound of infertility is ever healed, but we can come to a place of acceptance. Only when we reach that space should we consider stepping into an adoption situation where we are equipped to help our adoptee navigate and process through the trauma of being adopted. 

The desire to be a mom is natural and normal, however we cannot confuse what we desire with what we deserve. My prayers and sincere desires to become a mom did not mean that I was entitled to someone else’s baby. I was not owed a baby because of my inability to have biological children. I love my son more than anything in this world and I cannot even fathom a life without him, but I do not believe that his mom got pregnant to fulfill the desires of my heart. I was able to become a mom because she chose us to raise her son, not because I was in some way more deserving of motherhood. To be chosen is an honor and a privilege not an expectation.  

I think it’s easy for us to feel like we are owed something because our infertility has taken so much away from us. If we are not careful, we can become so desperate to become a mom that we overlook that for us to become mothers, another mother’s arms must be emptied. For our family to be created, another family must be broken. In our desperation we run the risk of becoming blind and numb to the life altering decision that adoption is for both the adoptee and the birth family. In that blindness we can overlook or justify coercive behaviors toward the expectant mom for the sake of getting what we want. We need to remember that the ultimate goal is for families to stay together, but when that is not possible adoption comes in. When we say yes to adoption we are not just saying yes to a baby, we are saying yes to opening our hearts to their birth family and honoring them always, educating ourselves on parenting a child with trauma and continually seeking ways to support our adoptees as they process through what it means to be adopted. 

We are not defined by our infertility or whether someone calls us mom. Our worth comes from knowing what the Lord says about us. He says we are valuable, lovely and cherished and made to reflect His goodness. The desire to be a mother is not in and of itself a bad thing, however, we cannot let that desire turn into desperation that clouds our judgment and compassion towards the expectant mom and her plan for her child. In the wait, we must constantly check our hearts to see if there is any hint of entitlement. We can grieve our infertility AND accept the fact that our infertility does not automatically mean we deserve someone else’s baby. Once we accept that mentality, we can fully embrace all the complexities of adoption, honor both the adoptee and birth family and rely on God’s wisdom and guidance to do things with integrity throughout the whole adoption journey.   

*Post contributed by adoptive mother, Cecily Conquest.

Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother and adult adoptee, Christine Wernquist, who shares their journey in the first of a three-part series. With her gracious permission, we have the privilege to feature this beautiful piece with you.

This is the first blog post of a three-part series. My prayer in sharing our story throughout this series is that families who are in the waiting will feel encouraged and to see how God perfectly knit our story together. Disclaimer: Our daughter’s birth mother has given permission to share details of our story. Some details will remain private for the sake of the intimacy of our journey. 

Hello! My name is Christine. Adoption has always been part of my story, as I am an adoptee myself. My husband, John, and I always knew that we wanted to grow our family through adoption someday. Like so many couples, John and I faced infertility issues when trying to start our family. After a year and a half of trying and visiting fertility specialists, we were told we would never conceive naturally. We were also told that IVF and IUI would not be options either due to aggravating factors. We had a long weekend getaway trip to Gatlinburg planned, and we got the phone call from the fertility doctor the day before we were scheduled to leave. It was amazing how God had already lined up a space for us to getaway to and grieve. 

Upon our return from Gatlinburg, we decided that it was time to pursue adoption. After countless hours of research, we landed on Quiver Full Adoptions. We immediately knew that this was the agency we were meant to partner with. We hit the ground running getting all of our required documentation in order, including our home study. Three of our friends who had gone through the adoption process all used the same social worker, whom they connected us with. I never imagined the bond we would form with her and how much she would support us through the entire process and years beyond. Flash forward a couple of months and we are placed on the waitlist with QFA. The very next day, which just happened to be our anniversary, Elizabeth called us to tell us we were placed on the active list! Twenty-six days later we got a call that an expectant mother had chosen us. I will save the details on how we got connected for the next post, but the short version is that a mutual friend of a friend saw our Hoping to Adopt Facebook page and shared our information with her. 

We were cautioned of the risks of being chosen so early, considering she was only nine weeks pregnant. After an hour long phone conversation with her, we felt an overwhelming sense of peace and knew we wanted to proceed, no matter the outcome. The following months would end up being a journey we never expected. 

We were so fortunate to be in the same town as our expectant mother so we were able to get together more often than not. Whether it was getting dinner together or helping her move, every visit helped build the foundation for a beautiful friendship. She was so gracious to invite me to her OBGYN appointments. I will never forget seeing that tiny little bean on the ultrasound for the first time. I cannot describe the gratitude I felt to get to be present for her appointments throughout her pregnancy, getting to watch this precious girl grow and develop in real time, especially since I never thought I would have the opportunity to experience pregnancy. I will never forget getting a phone call from our expectant mom at work telling me, “Christine, my water broke!”. I rushed out of the building and went straight to the hospital to meet her. She had invited John and I to be present for the delivery. After about twelve hours of labor and three pushes, the most beautiful baby girl entered the world. That moment is forever seared into my heart. 

When I share our story, I often tell people that our adoption story is a bit of a unicorn story. The things we experienced are not common. It is not common to be chosen so early on. It is not common to attend so many medical appointments. It is not common to be asked to be in the room for delivery. I honestly believe it is quite rare to develop the type of friendship that we developed with our daughter’s birth mother. Everyone’s adoption journey looks different. There is not one story that is like another, which is a beautiful thing. My own adoption story is nothing like my daughter’s story. 

No matter the story, it will be beautifully imperfect. The one perfect, constant force in our story is our Heavenly Father. Isaiah 60:22 says “When the time is right I, the Lord, will make it happen”. I encourage you to lean on this verse and trust in His timing.

*Post contributed by adoptive mother and adult adoptee, Christine Wernquist

Embarking on the path of adoption can be both exhilarating and daunting. Among the various adoption options, open adoption has gained popularity in recent years, offering a unique opportunity for birth parents, adoptive parents, and children to maintain connections and nurture ongoing relationships. Since 2017, when our agency added a new application requirement for all prospective adoptive families to be willing to pursue an open adoption prior to their approval, we often are initially met with fears surrounding the topic and this requirement. It is natural for anyone considering open adoption to experience fears and concerns initially, due to the lack of conversation and education surrounding the topic, outside of the adoption community.

As an adoptive mother, and one of the founders of this agency, I know it’s hard to admit at times all of the fears that circulate in a prospective adoptive couple’s minds and often times the biggest fear of all is what others may think if you admit you and your spouse have fears or some hesitancy surrounding open adoption, because surely no one else is experiencing the same feelings. So I wanted to pull back the “curtain” and discuss some of the common fears we hear from families who are beginning their adoption journey. The hope is by exploring some of the common fears surrounding open adoption we are able to shed light on how open adoption can be a beautiful and fulfilling journey filled with love and understanding.

Fear of Uncertainty

One of the primary fears that individuals may encounter when considering open adoption is the fear of uncertainty. They may worry about not knowing what the future holds, how the relationship with the birth parents will evolve, or how the child will navigate having two sets of parents. It is essential to acknowledge that these concerns are valid and natural. However, open adoption allows for ongoing communication and transparency, which can foster a sense of stability and reassurance for all parties involved.

Fear of Boundaries and Intrusion

Another common fear revolves around boundaries and intrusion. Adoptive parents may fear that birth parents will overstep their boundaries or interfere with their parenting decisions. Similarly, birth parents may fear that they will be excluded or forgotten in the child’s life. Open adoption requires a delicate balance and clear communication to establish healthy boundaries. It is crucial for both parties to openly discuss expectations, concerns, and responsibilities to ensure that everyone feels respected and heard.

Fear of Attachment and Loss

One of the most significant fears in open adoption is the fear of attachment and loss. Adoptive parents may hesitate to form strong emotional bonds with the child for fear that the birth parents might reclaim custody or disrupt the stability of the adoption. At the same time, birth parents may worry about the emotional toll of witnessing their child grow up with another family. It is vital to acknowledge that open adoption can bring about complex emotions. However, through open and honest communication, trust can be fostered among all parties involved, leading to a deeper understanding of each other’s roles and creating a supportive environment for the child’s well-being.

Fear of Judgment and Criticism

In a society where traditional closed adoptions have been the norm for decades, individuals considering open adoption may fear judgment and criticism from their families, friends, or even strangers. It is essential to remember that open adoption is a personal choice made out of love and the desire to provide the best future for the child. Surrounding yourself with a supportive network of people who understand and respect your decision can help alleviate these fears and provide a strong foundation for the open adoption journey.

Open adoption, despite the initial fears and concerns, has the potential to create such a beautiful and fulfilling journey for all involved. By embracing open communication, setting healthy boundaries, fostering understanding, being willing to step into a lifelong relationship with another human being, assuming the best instead of the worst, the fears surrounding open adoption can and will be overcome—and surprisingly you’ll find they are replaced by such compassion, love, and understanding. This journey of discovering what open adoption really means for your family will stretch you, as it will all parties involved, as it allows birth parents, adoptive parents, and children to grow together and create unique, lasting connections that enrich all their lives. With empathy, compassion, and a willingness to learn and adapt, open adoption can be a transformative and rewarding experience for everyone involved.

Still have questions or concerns, we would love to help! Reach out to us today!