What I Wish My Friends and Family Knew About Infertility
Editor’s Note: This guest blog post was submitted by adoptive mother, Destinie Little.
Going through infertility can be a lonely place. Yes people can comfort you, but they will never truly understand exactly what you are feeling unless they have experienced it themselves.
While trying to conceive I received much “advice” from many people. Advice such as “oh it’ll happen when it’s supposed to”, “if you just relax it’ll happen”, “take a trip and it’ll happen, that’s what worked for us”, “it’ll happen when you stop trying”. All of these people meant well but the truth is that infertility is a medical disorder that cannot be cured by simply going on a vacation. I believe it’s easier for people to try to encourage in this way or simply distance themselves from those struggling because infertility is such an uncomfortable topic.
What I wish that all of my friends and family knew about infertility is that yes it is a medical disorder. Yes it affects you mentally and emotionally because getting pregnant is one of the only things that is almost completely out of our control on this earth. As women God created us to mother so that desire runs deep. But distancing yourself or giving advice is not what is needed. Don’t change who you are or how you act. Yes please tell me that you are pregnant, please invite me to your baby shower because I want to celebrate with you! I can be happy for you and sad for myself at the same time and that is completely OK! It hurts worse to be the last one to know that you’re having a baby or that you are having a baby shower. Continue to invite me in, this gives room for me to feel like I have someone that I can lean into on those hard days. Don’t be afraid to ask me where I’m at in my journey or how I am handling everything. Most likely, I would love the opportunity to be able to talk about it! You asking lets me know that I am loved and I am valued. Please pray for me and with me. Our journeys to growing our family may look different but we can still walk them together. Infertility is not a one size fits all but each journey is beautiful in its own way.
The best way to be there for a friend or family member who is struggling with infertility is to continue to treat them normal. Don’t tip toe around them or avoid their diagnoses. Pray to the Lord on their behalf. Don’t be afraid to talk about it with them. Encourage them in their journey whether they are in the thick of it or exploring other avenues such as adoption! Remember that adoption is just as special and important as them conceiving a child. The Lord has a different path for everyone, how special! Grieve with them while they are grieving, rejoice with them when they are rejoicing. Celebrate their small wins and their big wins. In infertility a win is a win!
“There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven: a time to give birth and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot; a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to tear down and a time to build; a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; a time to embrace and a time to avoid embracing; a time to search and a time to count as lost; a time to keep and a time to throw away; a time to tear and a time to sew; a time to be silent and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace. ”
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 CSB
